HUSBANDS AND WIVES. Ephesians 5:22-32 Paul was writing to believers, providing instructions on Christian family relationships. The family was the first social institution God established to sustain humanity. Our relationship with God now and in the future is with our heavenly Father, His Son, and is unified by the Holy Spirit. This sacred bond is reflected in the marriage of a Christian man and woman, along with their children. The order of authority in a Christian family is explained in 1 Corinthians 11, which states that the head of every man is Christ, the head of the woman is the man, and the head of Christ is God. Submission in marriage is not the same as “obeying,” which is used to describe children's relationship with their parents. Submission relates to the roles we fulfill, not the value or importance of those involved in a marriage.
The entire theme of the Epistle to the Ephesians is demonstrated in this final section of instruction. God's eternal purpose involved having a loving, intelligent, willing relationship with rational beings with whom He could share His very nature. Humans were created in His image with a mind to know Him, a will to choose obedience and service, and emotions to love Him. The church is made up of those He chose to be His children. It has been predestined to be a companion in the closest relationship possible among humans: the bride of Christ. This was achieved through redemption and confirmed by the sealing of the Holy Spirit. The life of the Head is reflected in the body, and the church illustrates and exemplifies this relationship with Christ.
For any society to function properly, there must be both authority and obedience. There needs to be a functioning government capable of maintaining order among the people. Likewise, citizens must submit to that authority to prevent chaos and danger in society. If citizens reject that authority, the nation risks falling apart. This principle and practice are also found wherever God has delegated authority. In every local assembly, authority is given to elders to maintain order and harmony while fulfilling the purpose of the assembly. The same principle applies in our homes, where a wife gladly submits to the loving authority of her husband, who cares for her deeply.
Submission relates to the exercise of authority, not to its existence. It involves subordinating our rights to others'. It does not imply that one person is inferior to another but rather the establishment and maintenance of order through which life is best lived. When someone chooses to submit to another, it shows that even with equality in worth, there are defined roles that maintain harmony and order. When these roles are fulfilled according to God's revealed will, love and respect are fostered. In practice, the wife submits, and the husband sacrifices.
The submission of a Christian wife to her husband reflects her submission to the Lord. For a Christian wife to reject her husband's leadership would be the same as the church rebelling against Christ. The husband's headship is appointed by God, not something a man does to suit himself. He is not superior to his wife, but each has a unique role in the marriage. He should prioritize the needs of his wife and family over his own preferences. The obedience of each person is ultimately to the Lord, not to each other.
When a man sacrifices himself, as required in covenant relationships, his new life with his wife involves taking effective leadership that helps prevent disunity and friction. When a woman submits to her husband's authority, she demonstrates the Lordship of Christ, "as unto the Lord," and affirms her husband's headship. Through both submitting to Christ, most conflicts in marriage are avoided.
There is mutual responsibility on each partner, but the husband’s responsibility is greater because he is the head of the relationship, just as Christ is the Head of the church. Three verses describe the role of a wife, but nine verses are dedicated to defining the role of a husband. A wife is not meant to be a slave to an unreasonable and selfish husband, but it is expected that her submission and loyalty are directed toward someone who loves her the same way Christ loves the church. Then, her submission will be characterized by joy and unreserved love for someone who loves her above all others.
The teaching of submission has reasons that need to be addressed. Certain accepted practices today may have been different when Paul wrote, and those practices do not always support harmony and moral integrity. Those behaviors needed to change for human relationships to function as God intended. There is also a spiritual reason: God wanted a visible representation of Christ and His church to be seen so that the joys of the future could be demonstrated. Eve took on a leadership role when she disobeyed the command not to eat from the tree, and Adam, out of love for his wife, submitted to her. This reversal of God-ordained roles led to humanity's fall from fellowship with God. This will be restored again, and it has already been legally accomplished through the death of Christ for our redemption.
Unselfish love is truly beautiful and sacred. It’s the kind of love that finds joy in giving more than receiving. Self-sacrificing love is a fruit of the Spirit. It is natural for us to care for our own bodies, and it should be natural for a Christian husband to love his wife, protect her, provide for her, and cherish her. A wife's submission to her husband's leadership elevates her role by comparing her to the church of God. The image of a woman in Proverbs 31 does not portray a slave whose mind and abilities are ignored. Instead, it shows a dignified, ambitious, gracious woman who knows who she is and understands her role in life. Her husband's appreciation is clear; he does not interfere by bossing her around.
Husbands aren’t told to keep their wives in subjection but to show the love of Christ for the church by loving their wives in the same way. A man's love sees his wife as beautiful and perfect. This isn’t just the external beauty of youth but also the inner beauty of the soul and spirit, which he comes to know better as the years go by. A man loves his wife because she fulfills his emotional need for affection. There is also a social need for significance that comes with experiencing the joys of parenthood. Both physical and spiritual needs are met when a man loves his wife sacrificially. Her well-being is of primary importance to a husband who cares for his wife as he cares for his own body. The greatest sacrifice a husband can make for his wife is to give his life and all that it entails for her. She will have no trouble submitting to his leadership when he does this.
A sanctifying love in this relationship symbolizes the holy union of Christ and the church. The cleansing through the Word of God and its effects serve as a living symbol in a man's wife. The value he places on her shows how Christ cares for His church. Both new believers in Ephesus and those whom God saves today must understand that this love satisfies both. The Lord takes joy and satisfaction in the church's standing before Him, and the church honors, obeys, and worships Him. A husband finds great satisfaction in his wife because she is his wife, and he loves her. The husband's primary loyalty is to his wife, not his family. He left them when he married her. The two became one. Just as a man naturally cares for his body, so he cares for his wife.
A Christian husband and wife's relationship illustrates Christ's union with His church. Christian marriage provides an intimate and lasting view of our relationship and union with Christ. Marriage has always been meant to be permanent because it serves as a sacred and unbreakable testimony to what is unseen. The mystery of Christ’s relationship with the church is described by “love,” “reverence,” and respect. God designed marriage for our greatest good and His own glory.
The Lord Jesus Christ instinctively cares for the church, for which He died to claim as His own. He is the Head who naturally cares for and directs all parts of the body. The two are unified into one effective entity. Similarly, two personalities and persons are blended together in Christian marriage and become one. The motivation behind Christ's love for the church relates to uniting in mutual love for the benefit of both in fellowship forever. The same principle applies in the husband-and-wife relationship for life. The husband loves his wife at all costs, and the wife respects and holds her husband in high regard.
There are few ways to show to humans the high regard the Lord has for the church. He is building His church with different cultures, personalities, and characteristics. He illustrates this in the unified church, with which He shares His eternal life. This is visible in the attitudes of husband and wife. Our Lord chose to share His eternal life with this visible union of diverse people, which is placed on display for all to see. Christ and His church are one, now and forever.
His love is demonstrated when a husband shows his love for her. The church's submission is reflected when a wife fulfills her role. The two fit well together when subjection, authority, harmony, and order take precedence over independence. When husband and wife each embrace and fulfill the roles God has given them, life together on earth can be a preview of heaven, where Christ and His church will be united as the visible body and Head, demonstrating joyful submission and love shown by the blood He shed.
Sharing fellowship and purpose gives meaning to our lives here. There is a conscious awareness of our union, so there is no fear of rejection when we fail or if love is not always displayed. My actions and attitude make the words I speak unnecessary. Some things cannot be hidden; submission and love are two of them. My attitude as a husband shows what I think of Him. My wife’s submissive, gracious, and willing spirit reflects on Him, who loved us, cleansed and sanctified us, and is not ashamed to call us His own. All of this will be universally revealed when Christ brings His church home and presents her to Himself as a glorious bride.