2nd Samuel 14 THE FAILURE OF AVOIDANCE Absalom becomes a center of attention in this part of the history of David's reign. His revenge and rebellion is the beginning of the decline of the kingdom that had been prophesied. David's lust and adultery had a lasting negative effect on those who came after him. The revenge killing of the firstborn son opened the way for him to be king he thought. By killing his half-brother and rebelling against his father, he was taking matters into his own hands. Popularity and good looks were in his favor, but his heart was far from God.
We have to guard ourselves lest the rebellion and sin that is latent within us leads us astray and we fall. Even our children and grandchildren learn from our example and form their opinions of what is right and wrong, and maybe even their convictions from what they see in us. Our obedience to God and His word forms the character that reveals us to those around us. It is a fact that we are constantly teaching others by our lifestyle that which is good - or bad - depending on what our relationship with the Lord is like.
It is possible to be so preoccupied with our own life and work, that what is important in families is overlooked and neglected. In David's case his own guilt over sin probably caused him to neglect his responsibility in disciplining his children and fulfilling his parental role. Once the cycle of sin starts in a family it is hard to break. Even though David wanted to see Absalom, he could not bring himself to initiate the first step to reconciliation. That first step is usually the hardest, but once we are willing to do that, opportunity arises to go further.
However, Joab manipulated the whole matter and by subtlety and deception (and perhaps good intention) started what should have been, and could have been, a reconciliation but did not complete the work by bringing Absalom to David or vice versa. There are some things in which we have to assume the responsibility to accomplish ourselves. If we try to get others to do that which we should do, the outcome will be less than satisfactory. To bring Absalom to Jerusalem after two years away, and then for both David and Absalom to be living in Jerusalem at the same time for two years without seeing each other, testifies to the fact that this state of affairs is not right. David should have taken control of the situation and done what was necessary.
He should have banished Amnon right away for the rape of Tamar, Absalom's sister, in order that justice might be served. Cities of refuge had been established for that purpose until justice was carried out by those appointed to do that in a legal way. Absalom did pre-meditate the murder of Amnon, and there may have been a little justice in what he did, but it was still not dealt with properly by the king. True restoration can only really take place when we face the problem of sin and repent of it to God. Reality will be seen when a new and righteous life demonstrates the fact that a just solution has been found to the problem and acted upon.
Joab and David did not have a trusted relationship between them. The relationship between David and Absalom was severed, and Absalom began to get a following as he moved about Israel and beguiled the people. The results of sin may come in many different ways, none of which are good. Joab only went part way in bringing reconciliation and that did not stop until after two years Absalom set fire to his field and called for him to arrange a meeting with David.
After five years of not seeing his son Absalom, what should David do? Should he be his righteous judge? Should he be his loving father? Sin must be punished so how can we demonstrate and carry out justice and love at the same time? This was David's dilemma. Absalom was haughty and still proud; Joab was dispassionate and David was a weak father in this particular matter. Even though they finally met - the son bowing down before the father in the appearance of humility, and the father kissing the son in a form of reconciliation - reconciliation was not complete. Justice was not served nor was love really expressed. The absence of discipline in a matter does not bring the right results.
The example of God meting out punishment on His own Son on behalf of the guilty is how we are able to be forgiven. Forgiveness can take place when either the guilty party or the injured party takes the loss personally. A price has to paid for reconciliation to be genuine. We have been reconciled to God by the death of our Lord Jesus Christ.