GENESIS 32 I AM NOT WORTHY There are times in the course of life when our thoughts about God, others and ourselves are clarified like to the focus of a light's beam. I saw in my journey following Jacob as he and his tribe neared the ford where they would cross the Jabok River, evidence that God had further dealings with Jacob to conduct. Two silent messengers, obviously heavenly beings, met him and made Jacob realize God was here, and so he stopped. When God brings us to a stop on our journey through life, there is good reason to believe He has something of unique importance to deal with us about. In this life of faith, Jacob now started to be a genuine practitioner of faith.
He took the initiative of approaching the True God he could not see, to claim a promise that he had been given a number of years before. Now he was able to see all that God had done for him and acknowledged with a grateful heart, all the blessings that had come to him in the last twenty years. He had crossed Jabok before, going the other way with nothing but a staff in his hand. Now he was returning with a double portion of what most would ever get in a lifetime. He divided his possessions that God had blessed him with, into two separate groups with far enough distance between them that if one was taken, the other group could escape and survive. Jacob was showing that he could take responsibility for what God had given him.
Whenever God is approached with an honest heart of appreciation, the words, "I am not worthy," are on the lips and in the heart of the supplicant. It is of God's mercies we are not consumed. In Him we live and move and have our being. Our breath is in His hand. Greater is He that is in us than he that is in the world. How merciful God is to us, and as we come to Him with thankful hearts, immediately we feel our own unworthiness, for God alone is worthy of all. Divine benevolence is not something we can demand or deserve. It comes from the Lord God who has all power and all dominion and all authority over all men, kingdoms and nations - and He had chosen to bless me, and meet with me, and allow me to petition Him in confidence. He is faithful that promised!
I considered as I watched Jacob and his servants select animals from the herds and separated them into groups - How would I approach a brother I had deceived? What would I do to impress him with the fact I have changed? That things are different? That I want to make “things” right? The Proverbs say, "A man's gift maketh room for him." Jacob prepared a gift that had the potential of making Esau a very rich man. He presented the gift in a way that showed he really meant what he was asking for. It also showed exceeding generosity. As he prepared these groups of animals, he would doubtless have been made aware of all God had done for him since he passed that way going in the other direction. He would have felt, "I am not worthy." Instead of priding himself on what he had, he did not set his heart upon his riches, but on the God of Abraham and Isaac he met first at Luz.
As he stood at that ford and watched the present go across the Jabok River in groups, and then stood in the dark of night and watched his family cross in front of him, a hand held him fast and would not let him follow them. God was not done with him personally yet even though he resisted. When he finally surrendered at dawn, and the pain of his hip out of joint must have been excruciating, yet he knew this was one of those moments of a lifetime that mean more than twenty years of normal living. Those moments are worth more than relief from pain, more than being successful, worth more than family obligations. When one is alone with God, nothing else really matters. Everything else is of far lesser significance. When one gets things right with God, everything else will follow in proper order.
Now Jacob heard a most astounding comment on his life and a commendation - "Thou hast power with God." A man, a frail deceitful man, had changed and now has influence with God and man. He struggled, he worked, he gained and he gave. All of his life now had a focus - he was a prince of God, and heir of God's promises and blessings. We may not understand the hardships and losses in life and why they were allowed to happen to us. We may not understand all the blessings we have received and why they were given to us. But these experiences, events, and issues of life that we have been called to pass through, are given to us by God to make us into the kind of person He wants us to be. As such, we can serve Him, not out of duty, but out of love and appreciation for being allowed into the family of God.
There may be lasting negative effects we have to live with because of God's dealings with us. These are lasting, daily reminders of who we are and who we serve. May I never forget the lessons learned at Jabok because I too have my obvious "limp" that I have to live with. It is not going away but it serves as a daily reminder of God's dealings with me and the privileges and responsibilities I have to Him.
That man there with a limp, I wonder what happened to him? Was he in an accident, a war or did he fall? I won't try to explain to a child what happened but I can begin To tell him how to respond to God when He calls. For when God chooses to set His heart on a person - He has to do some serious work on the old nature. The Sovereign God doesn't stop teaching us after the first lesson - He is not making over the old man; He has made them a new creation.
When a person finally admits, "I am not worthy, " to God, Then the Holy Spirit can bring about regeneration. And when one who is saved says, "I am not worthy," after reading the Word - The Divine Persons join together in our sanctification. When a testimony is given in public, "I am not worthy," people may stop to listen - They may sense reality and stop to attend to what you say to them When they can see the tears in your eyes that really glisten And will think to themselves, "All that he is saying means a lot to him."
So, child, that limp means sometime in the past your father had a meeting with God. And God had some things to say to him He didn't want him to forget. Your father may not be able to explain things well or put them into sensible words, But because he has scars or limps in pain, he really does not regret 'The time God thought it was necessary to make sure he didn't forget in life That he had responsibilities in life that go way beyond making a living, That affected a lot of other people beside grandchildren, children and wife - And he limps along waving his arms to people trying to show them the way to heaven.
Maybe this is not the best way to explain things, but I have certain limitations. This limp and these scars that offend some people came from God to me. I know I am not able to do what needs to be done and meet all expectations. But maybe this limp and these scars from God's hand will help you in some way to see. I am in some ways the same as you, but my experiences with God are different. I've met with God down by the banks of my own Jabok River - You will have your opportunity to wrestle or flee, dealing with God is no small incident. But of this I am sure, if you don't let God go, He will change your life forever.
"Father, I came to this place with what I could carry in one hand. Now I am leaving here with children and grandchildren, both spiritual and natural. I have seen Thee and my life is preserved. How holy is this place! Amen."