Proverbs 27 MEANINGFUL RELATIONSHIPS In normal human life, we interact with a lot of people every day, but on very different levels of communication and intimacy. Our day starts with families and our spouse is hopefully the best friend we have. The ties of nature certainly give us meaningful relationships, and to varying degrees, friendships. In the workplace we have fellow-workers, and occasionally a casual friendship develops with certain people. In our church life there are those we know better than others for a variety of reasons, although we love them all. But occasionally, a person comes into our life who is a “kindred spirit.” There is some kind of friendship that is nurtured, and is one in which there are very few secret parts of life in which that friend does not share.
In a way it is normal to think that tomorrow will be more or less as we had planned. However, in the things we do and plan to do, we need to remember and state, “Lord willing,” because only God knows what tomorrow will bring. A further observation at the beginning of this chapter is, do not take your friends and relationships for granted. They have to be cared for and nourished as much or more than any other part of our lives. A good way to hinder or stop a significant relationship is to talk about yourself and praise your own exploits and preconceived virtues. To form a relationship with a fool will be an awful burden because fools don’t know when to keep their mouths shut. They will spout off in unpredictable anger and nonsense over insignificant things. That kind of anger is senseless and cruel. It generally is an expression of jealousy. Teenagers and children are particularly vulnerable to this if someone else happens to show special interest in a friend.
Correction given when needed, even when other people are around, is evidence of someone who really cares for you and your reputation. The fact that a friend is willing to risk your friendship to spare you from some evil, is proof of a relationship that is solid and faithful. Kindness doesn’t always make one feel good. Because a friend has your well- being in his heart, he will tell you what you need to hear, rather than what you want to hear. He does not want to be deceitful with “kisses” of deceit like Judas was to our Lord Jesus. Love does and says what is necessary to preserve the integrity of a friend. Habitual covetousness will make people go too far and pay attention to everything people say, to get or maintain a friendship or a relationship. When one is confident and satisfied, he doesn’t need any more assurances. If one person in a relationship rejects what is good, and the other person takes whatever he can get, both of them are not only unwise, but the relationship is in jeopardy.
When a person doesn’t appreciate where he is placed by the Lord, and doesn’t want to face up to his responsibilities, he will fall for temptations. Some people are never satisfied, so they go from one place to another hoping to get some place or position, for which they are not qualified. There is something very special when you can receive counsel from a friend and know it is given in good faith and real concern for you. It is also meaningful in a relationship when you know any advice, counsel and help you give, is accepted and recognized as the real care you have for that person. We need close friends who live close by who can be counted on in hard times. That relationship has been cultivated and nurtured over time. Such people know us well enough to say what needs to be said, and to do what needs to be done. We don’t despise family members who are far away, but they can’t help like a friend who is close by.
Wise children, either natural or spiritual, are a strong testimony to other people of the effectiveness of your mentoring. Time taken to instruct others in scriptural truth, and to be able to present that truth in a way people can understand and pass on, builds a strong relationship between the one who teaches and the one who is the learner. A sensible person looks ahead and can see dangers that could happen in a relationship, and avoids the potential pitfalls. Those who take each other for granted, carelessly go ahead thinking all is well, and will suffer the consequences of foolish ignorance. There are dangers in any relationship, but probably the greatest comes when borrowing and lending money. Even in a close relationship, when it comes to being asked for a loan, take a careful look ahead. Ask for the assurance of collateral, not interest. That assurance is a commitment to the loan being repaid. If you don’t do that, both of you will find it hard to overcome the barrier unpaid debts erect between people – even friends.
Not everyone is a “morning person.” It will not impress them positively in any way if you are thoughtless in waking them with a loud voice by saying the right thing at a wrong time. The implication is, “You should be like me, and get up and at it like I do.” That is a good way to lose a friend or damage a relationship. The closest relationship we usually will ever have is with our wife or husband. Let every husband be kind, not contentious, and every wife remember that arguing and nagging doesn’t do anything positive to strengthen or maintain the marriage relationship. Don’t demand getting your own way. Rather, look for ways to get through to your spouse as to what is best for both of you. Show love. Be patient. Choose carefully those with whom you form a relationship. Usually there will be some difference that need to be expressed and considered before getting to close to a person. Sometime “sparks will fly.” But the outcome of iron sharpening iron is good because it makes one stop and look at things from another point of view. It will help development in areas of life we may have taken for granted. It will likely add strength to one’s character if they take the process of the “file” working to take off the rough edges, in the right way.
A farmer who tends to his orchard with diligence will enjoy the fruit of his efforts. In the same way, when we work and guard our relationships, beneficial results will come. A servant who cares for his master’s interests will be honored by that master. In the same way relationships recognize there are boundaries between people that should never be crossed. That friend will recognize your insight, and will honor you for it. What we are inside is reflected outwardly in our countenance. The things we see in another person are often a reflection of what is in us. Death and destruction have insatiable appetites that will never be satisfied. That we can understand. One reason is that we know death has passed upon all men, “for all have sinned.” Even everlasting destruction, we can grasp, at least to a degree because those will not believe on the Lord Jesus Christ, make God out to be a liar. They will not believe God is telling the truth in the Bible. So those people are eternally lost to God. It is harder to understand why human beings are never satisfied. For some reason, no matter how much a person has, they want more.
How people handle praise is a test of character. Some people crave it, thinking it gives them more significance. Others fish for it, by saying something like, “How did you like what I said?” Others feed on praise and flattery, or else they feel like they are a failure. People of integrity and humility are gracious enough to say, “Thank you for your kind words. Please give God all the praise for any benefit you have received.” The test of praise, or lack of it, should not change us, nor should it seriously affect that for which we have been called to do for the Lord. Some people can’t be helped no matter what you do for them or what happens to them. They refuse to make any change from their foolish ways. We should always hope and pray that they will attend to the truth of the Gospel and become a new creation in Christ Jesus.
Day to day living requires diligence and commitment to maintain the affairs of life in a way that preserves the lives of those who depend on us. Leaders of assemblies need to know what is going on among the Lord’s people and the condition of their spiritual life. We need to be responsible for those things that are eternal, because wealth and position in life will not last. A farmer knows when his hay is ready to cut, dry and harvest. If he does that at the right time, he will get a second cutting from his grass and the field will continue to produce. The blessings of God make rich. Well-tended animals will produce well and provide enough for you to live on, and also to expand your property. Not only will a diligent person have plenty to meet his needs and expand his enterprise, he will also have full and plenty to supply the needs of others who are less fortunate.