TURMOIL AND TRAGEDY. 2nd Samuel 13 The breakdown of family life and even family structure is not a new phenomenon today. It happened in David's family when he became so caught up in his own life and the business of being a king that he neglected his responsibilities as a father. He had ruined another man's family by his multiplied sins against that family and also against the Lord. He had sinned against a woman and had deliberately arranged for an innocent man to be killed. His son Amnon sinned against a woman, and his son Absalom killed a man - Amnon, his half-brother.
It didn’t take long for David’s sin that ruined the family of Uriah to begin to be felt in his own family. The nature of those sins was sexual, which would have been a source of terrible regret in David’s conscience. Amnon took bad advice from a cousin and ruined the life of Tamar, his half-sister. Perhaps Chileab, the second son, died because we don’t read of him being heir to the throne. Absalom, his third son, after waiting for two years, took revenge and killed his half-brother for what he had done to Absalom’s full sister.
The sin of Amnon was the rape of his half-sister. Not everyone claiming to be our friend can be trusted to give good advice, even if they are first cousins. The deception started the chain of events that made David's family a dysfunctional group. Half-brothers were jealous of each other and looked at their mothers as leaders rather than their fathers. David was the king, even in the family, but his role and responsibility as a father was missing. Amnon ruined Tamar's opportunity for marriage, and in revenge, Absalom ruined the family's chance for any normal family relationship. David ruined the chance for reconciliation by not dealing with Amnon, probably because of his own previous sin.
Not all temptations are equal. Some can be dealt with in the mind and stopped when we remember the scriptures taught us when we were young. “Thy word have I hid in my heart that I might not sin against Thee.” When we allow ourselves and our children to be manipulated by TV shows, movies, books, video games, and online pornography, then a battle against temptation begins.
The first step to overcoming temptation is to be diligent, vigilant, and willing to say “No” at the first sign of temptation. If we allow ourselves to yield to temptation, even though it is still in our minds, we begin to sin and think of how to get around the alarm bells of conscience. God’s grace provides a way of escape, and we are responsible for taking that way.
To allow the lust of the eyes to continue in one's life leads to adultery, fornication, and lasciviousness. We must resist temptation and "abstain from all appearance of evil." Always evaluate the advice given and be sure it has a righteous and solid basis behind it. We mustn't equate love and lust. They are two very different things. Lust demands satisfaction - love is patient. Lust demands and wants its own way - "love seeks not her own." Lust likes to be called love but does not have any godly characteristics. Lust will not wait, and when it has physically expressed itself, it results in self-disgust and hatred for the other person involved.
The sin of Absalom illustrates the teaching of the Lord Jesus when He equated anger and murder. For two years, murder was in the heart of Absalom. What people allow themselves to think about a lot characterizes who they are. "As a man thinketh in his heart, so is he." Absalom's sin was of such a nature that it ultimately involved many others, including his servants, his siblings, and his father, and it set the course of his future. Even his maternal grandfather was involved. One act of sin because of one man's unguarded eyes and one woman's unguarded modesty affected all their family and the lives of those around them. "Then when lust hath conceived, it bringeth forth sin: and sin, when it is finished, brings forth death."
The ways of the world don’t always stay out of the homes of Bible-believing Christians. If we are not committed to what the scriptures teach is right, we are in danger of allowing what others think is okay in our homes. When the actions of our children who begin experimenting with the sins that other people think are okay take place, and the consequences come, we wonder how to respond and reply. For a father to remain silent in the face of blatant disregard for what is moral and when bad behavior is permitted to go unchecked is not right. He has failed his children. Because correction is hard, and we may think we are showing love to overlook it, hoping things will change without it, it is wrong to leave them in darkness instead of showing them the light of true love.
From their earliest years, children have the right to be taught what is right and to know there are consequences when they do wrong. Children will understand wrong behavior when the lessons they hear are learned, and when he is caught, proper correction will save his soul from hell. To leave things you know are wrong unaddressed is unfair to everyone involved. Discipline carried out correctly makes an erring one stronger than before, and most problems are easily solved in this way.
Many families are broken, becoming dysfunctional, and hearts are broken, too, because indulgent parents don’t take proper control of the family dynamics and actions. In the future, children can legitimately blame you for not carrying out discipline for the salvation of their souls. We must never let children think that sin won’t find them out. There is a principle that what we sow, we will reap. We dare not refuse or neglect appropriate correction and ignore wrongdoing because of their tears or their pouting demands and threats. Tough love is real love. Do what is right now, or they will weep forever, and you will have a lifetime of regret.
Learn from the failures of those long ago, like David, who, though godly, left their families unattended carelessly. By correcting them quickly, you avoid problems that last a long time, and instead of dysfunction, your family will be blended in soul and spirit. God, who knows every family's need, will draw near when we pray and give understanding as to how to help people who are just starting out raising children. By God’s grace, we need words of wisdom, biblical words, to guide and support parents and be relevant to present-day needs.