THE FAILURE OF AVOIDANCE. 2nd Samuel 14 Absalom becomes the center of attention in this part of the history of David's reign. His revenge and rebellion are the beginning of the kingdom's decline that had been prophesied. David's lust and adultery had a lasting negative effect on those who came after him. He thought the revenge killing of the firstborn son opened the way for him to be king. By killing his half-brother and rebelling against his father, he was taking matters into his own hands. Popularity and good looks were in his favor, but his heart was far from God.
The conflict between love and anger in family dynamics can only be dealt with by justice and mercy. In times like this, our commitment to God and willingness to obey His word becomes real to us and our families. It is much easier and more effective if things that cause us anger because of our children's behavior are taught and dealt with when they are young without hardened hearts. Correction can be carried out appropriately with parental love when they are in our homes. When they are adults or are near adulthood, anything we say or do loses much of its effect on them.
David should have banished Amnon right away for the rape of Tamar, Absalom's sister, so that justice might be served. Cities of refuge had been established for that purpose until justice was carried out by those appointed to do that legally. Absalom did pre-meditate the murder of Amnon, and there may have been a little justice in what he did, but it was still not dealt with properly by the king. Proper restoration can only occur when we face sin and repent to God. Reality will be seen when a new and righteous life demonstrates that a just solution has been found to the problem and acted upon.
Now, David’s position was that of the revenger of blood. He did not face the matter of Absalom being a murderer himself, nor did he have the murder of his son adjudicated by anyone else. For three years, not only did the family of David and David himself stagnate, but the nation waited for a conclusion to the matter. While he waited, Absalom gained sympathy and a following among the disenchanted people. Even though David wanted to see Absalom, he could not bring himself to initiate the first step to reconciliation. In David's case, his guilt over sin probably caused him to neglect his responsibility to discipline his children and fulfill his parental role.
We have to guard ourselves lest the latent rebellion and sin within us lead us astray, and we fall. Even our children and grandchildren learn from our example and form their opinions of right and wrong, and maybe even their convictions from what they see in us. Our obedience to God and His word forms the character that reveals us to those around us. It is a fact that we are constantly teaching others by our lifestyle, which is good - or bad - depending on what our relationship with the Lord is like. We can be so preoccupied with our lives and work that what is important in families is overlooked and neglected.
There really is no conclusion when we try to avoid full justice being carried out on evildoers. We may feel we are being kind by not fulfilling the obligation that wrongdoing demands. But our view is not God’s because He sees the action and the consequences of the action that lies ahead. We may think our way is best and make compromising schemes and plans, but we are making a big mistake if we think a shortcut is what God can bless. Once the cycle of sin starts in a family, it is hard to break. That first step is usually the hardest, but once we are willing to do that, an opportunity arises to go further. Thinking a problem will disappear just because we wish it to doesn’t change things; it will follow us wherever we go. Whenever we are dealing with people, whether strangers or even our own families, it is impossible to end the issue by pretending there is none.
When we know what the scriptures teach about a matter, we mustn't put off what has to be done. Even though our responsibility is grievous and we know it will be hard to carry out our duty, it must be done as soon as possible. We can trust God to bring the right conclusion if we are committed to doing what He says. The wounds of correction can heal, but the ongoing effects of procrastination will never stop. They may smooth over a matter for a while, but it will remain a smoldering ember that may flare up at any time. The longer the restoration actions are put off, the deeper the lasting effects will be.
When a wrong has been committed, we must squarely face the fact that acknowledgment of guilt and repentance is the very first action that must be taken. When sin is faced, and confession of sin to God is genuine, true reconciliation is possible so healing can begin. There are no legitimate shortcuts when it comes to dealing with sin. Pardon and restoration require honesty and an awareness of the righteousness of God. Justice has to be done for legal satisfaction to exist. To overlook what God does not ignore means you’re not doing what you should. God is willing to forgive and grant pardon, but He does not excuse or overlook wrong. Those who refuse to do what He wants cannot be treated as sons.
Joab, David's nephew, was a hard-hearted man, but he knew that the estrangement between David and Absalom had a bad effect on the nation. His plan was similar to Nathan’s in that he planned an illustration to present his case to the king. The point was to apply the analogy to David. Far-reaching effects were addressed, and despite David’s reluctance, perhaps because of a sense of guilt, he was forced to take legal actions based on the fact that the two sones planned no premeditated murder in the wise woman’s story.
When we clearly understand a matter, there is no reason to wait to conclude it. Half-hearted, half-done results do not put a matter to rest, any more than a half-hearted restoration will help any of us when barriers arise. Restoration involves open acceptance of each other, even though some differences may have to be accommodated. One thing follows another when a shortcut to a problem is added to the confusion of vengeance and self-will. Because the shortcut is wrong, more difficulties will come—not be deleted.
Putting off what needs to be done to bring reconciliation only leaves the problem to fester. As time passes, the poison remains; instead of lessening, it gets deeper. God is fully aware of everything we might think or try to hide. He has given the protocol to follow to heal these kinds of things. Settle it between the two antagonists privately; if that doesn’t bring a suitable result, take one or two witnesses. Then, if needed, outside pressure by the church is needed. Do not think for a moment a shortcut will bring a conclusion to sin. Follow the guidance God gives, and the problem will end much quicker. There are some things in which we have to assume responsibility for accomplishing ourselves. If we try to get others to do what we should, the outcome will be less than satisfactory.
Joab manipulated the whole matter and, by subtlety and deception (and perhaps good intention), started what should have been, and could have been a reconciliation but did not complete the work by bringing Absalom to David or vice versa. To bring Absalom to Jerusalem after two years away, and then for both David and Absalom to live in Jerusalem at the same time for two years without seeing each other, testifies to the fact that this state of affairs is not right. Two years of living in the same city with no contact did not help the situation between David and Absalom. David should have taken control of the situation and done what was necessary.
Joab and David do not have a trusted relationship. The relationship between David and Absalom was severed, and Absalom began to get a following as he moved about Israel and beguiled the people. The results of sin may come in many different ways, none of which are good. Joab only went part way in bringing reconciliation, and that did not stop until after two years, Absalom set fire to his field and called for him to arrange a meeting with David.
What should David do after five years of not seeing his son Absalom? Should he be his righteous judge? Should he be his loving father? Sin must be punished, so how can we demonstrate justice and love simultaneously? This was David's dilemma. Absalom was haughty and still proud; Joab was dispassionate, and David was a weak father in this particular matter. Even though they finally met - the son bowing down before the father in the appearance of humility and the father kissing the son in a form of reconciliation - reconciliation was not complete. Justice was not served, nor was love really expressed. The absence of discipline in a matter does not bring the right results.
The wise woman of Tekoa had some understanding of God. He does not have any pleasure in the death of the wicked. He wants them to turn to Him and live. For that to happen, “He devises means, so that His banished be not expelled (cast out) from Him.” God demands justice, so sin must be punished, but He also has mercy in making a way for justice to be served and mercy to be shown.
What should God do with us? Should He send us to hell for our sins because that is the consequence of sin? Should we be banished forever, or is there a way He can be just and merciful simultaneously? God loves us but does not excuse our sins. His way of forgiving us and accepting us into His family was to come into the world as a Man and die for us to pay our debt of sin Himself. Based on justice being served on our behalf, He can show mercy and forgive all who come to Him when they put their personal faith in the Lord Jesus Christ as their Savior.
God's example of punishing His own Son on behalf of the guilty is how we can be forgiven. Forgiveness can occur when the guilty or injured party takes the loss personally. A price has to be paid for reconciliation to be genuine. We have been reconciled to God by the death of our Lord Jesus Christ.