COOPERATION WORKS BEST. Ephesians 6:1-9 Our lives are usually not isolated but are lived in contact with many other people. The husband-and-wife relationships are of major importance because they last a lifetime. Parents and children are closely connected for about twenty years before the young people start their own families and follow their own interests. Employers and employees stay in contact as long as each is fair with the other, or until one or the other quits the job. In the Christian life, we apply fundamental principles of living to all these areas of daily life, and if they are maintained in the fear of God, the results are good.
It is a fundamental duty of children to obey their parents. This refers to children obeying "in the Lord," not the parents' position. Even if parents are not Christians, they should still be obeyed. Essentially, this is about obeying the Lord through a believing child. Obedience means doing what your parents tell you. However, this does not mean a child should do wrong if a parent commands it. The “obedience” of children to their parents in lawful and Christian matters is a stronger word than “submission.”
Parents' unity is essential for children to obey willingly. Differences of opinion among parents should not be discussed in front of their children, especially when it relates to discipline. Children may use parental disagreements as a way to get their own way. Children who are “in the Lord” are obligated to obey their parents, even if they don't understand the reason for their parents' decisions. Parents serve as the Lord’s representatives in a Christian home. A mother who demonstrates loving submission to her husband and a father who loves his wife as Christ loves the church create an environment of respect and love at home, not one of demands and fear.
There are four simple reasons to obey your parents. First, it is right. Because of parents’ experience and wisdom gained from living, they should know what is the right thing to do in most situations. It is also spiritual. One of the Ten Commandments addresses this matter. This grants the honor of allegiance to parents that goes beyond our feelings about them to their true nature. The third reason for this attitude and response to parents is that it is in your own best interests. Honor involves respect and love that are genuine. When that is given, there is almost always, and in every case, a recognition of reciprocation of respectful interests. Then the promise is for a long life.
Real faith is demonstrated in our homes. Discipline, obedience, and integrity come together when believing parents are obeyed and respected by believing children. Even if a child is disobedient and difficult, our care and concern as parents will still leave a lasting impact. If unbelieving parents are demanding and unfair, a believing child's attitude can still positively influence that person's conscience. God approves of an obedient attitude, and long life is often the result because those things that harm life and health are intentionally avoided. Disobedience is frequently a sign of evil left uncorrected.
Order in creation, the universe, and the church demonstrate the principles and laws that God established so that everything functions as it should. “Even the winds and the sea obey Him.” Yet, the Lord Jesus was obedient to His earthly parents when He was on earth. To please our Lord, we must obey Him, and to please the Lord, believing children are to obey their parents. Obedience is expected when a child lives in their parents’ home. Honor given to their father and mother is expected for a lifetime. Even though the promise of long life that was given in the law was directed to the children of Israel when they occupied Canaan, this is a general principle for family life.
Changes in life and attitude are expected in every new generation, but maintaining balance in parenting remains reasonable across all generations. Discipline and correction are always necessary. The "admonition" of the Lord includes warnings about the consequences of sin before it occurs, rebuke when it happens, and reproof to prevent it from happening again. There is a difference between affection and honor. Affection usually results from benefits or kindness shown to someone. A small child understands that parents meet their needs. Love and appreciation naturally follow feeling good. Honor given to parents, on the other hand, is a conscious choice.
The practice of submitting to others' interests is evidence of true spiritual life. Obedience to parents during childhood and honoring them throughout life is a blessing, not a burden. Even a long life doesn't have to feel burdensome if we begin by respecting the elderly. By showing respect for wisdom, we learn from the experiences of older people, helping us to do the right things that worked for them with positive results. We can learn not to repeat their mistakes and avoid the difficulties they faced. Many hard problems others experienced can be prevented by trusting their authority. Paying attention to others' needs and experiences can benefit us throughout life. Even though He was perfect, our Lord Jesus was obedient to Mary and Joseph. Because His nature was submitted to God and His earthly parents, He grew in "favor with God and man."
One's feelings and one's respect are quite different. When applying parental discipline, the goal is to foster growth, not to vent anger. Parents are clearly advised not to be unreasonable or overly harsh toward their children. This means avoiding demeaning or ridiculing them and instead building their sense of self, responsibility, and self-worth. Consistent correction can have both negative and positive effects. Provoking a child can discourage them and provoke anger openly or resentment internally. Unreasonable demands, faultfinding, and harsh criticism are negative actions that can lead to lasting resentment.
Discipline imposed in anger usually discourages a young person and tends to frustrate and provoke rather than "yield the peaceable fruits of righteousness." Frustration and anger do not foster effective discipline of children. Authority demonstrated in a Christ-like manner will yield the best results. Fathers hold the responsibility of final authority. That authority is given to help us properly manage the child's development, protect them from dangers, and educate them practically. We must be attentive to the unique needs of each child and fulfill our duties toward them.
The nurture and admonition of the Lord” fosters an awareness of the Lord and a sense of personal responsibility toward God and their parents. Children learn what behavior is appropriate and how and when to apply what they have been taught in daily life. This type of training comes from the Lord; it begins at birth and is most effective during the early years. During that stage of life, habits, opinions, attitudes, and standards by which they will live for their entire lives are formed.
Restrictions placed on children should be reasonable, but they are essential. A life without rules and boundaries would be chaotic and dysfunctional. Children may not understand or appreciate restrictions when they are young, but as they grow older, they will reflect and realize the reasons behind the limitations. A parent's care, consideration, and consistency will be their most lasting legacy. By the time someone reaches their twenties, they should recognize the value of what was taught at home. Child training involves education, leading by example, and appropriate discipline.
Parents must communicate through both words and actions. Scriptural principles should be taught in Christian homes, not solely by Sunday School teachers, secular educators, or preachers. Training involves both reward and correction. Families need to spend meaningful time together, beyond just play and fun. The truths of the Bible should be conveyed through spoken words and by example. Clearly expressing what is right in simple language eliminates excuses. Teach with words and find ways to illustrate your lessons. Involve children in meaningful ways so that what is taught becomes personal to them. All of this is essential in guiding a child in the right path.
The time and dedication we put into our children's lives will have lasting, possibly eternal, effects. Neglecting their needs can lead to resentment in them and may even impact all family members and the community around them.