Proverbs 18 ACCEPTANCE. Who has really won an argument if the good relationship between two people is lost? In a quarrel there is seldom any good that comes from it, even if in the end, those involved shake hands and go their separate ways. It is in our contact with other people, and hopefully building a lasting relationship, that we find satisfaction and joy. However, it is in broken relationships that we find sorrow and loss. Some people wait around for other people to approach them, and when it doesn’t happen the way they had thought it should, they go away disappointed in other people for not showing any interest in them. Even if a person is shy and retiring by nature and personality, and finds social settings hard to handle, they are able to approach someone and show some kind of interest in others themselves. A road goes both ways.
The temperamental person who always insists on his own way, will soon isolate himself from friends and companions. He will find all the solitude he can handle if he is short-tempered and quarrelsome because he didn’t get his own way. A person is a fool if the only person he wants to hear is himself. He is light-weight when it comes to common sense, because he doesn’t want to hear any other opinions but his own which he airs when he tries to impress others. Actually, he just exposes his own ignorance and lack of spiritual understanding. The unfriendly self- centered person moves from being a quarrelsome “pain in the neck,” to being a loud-mouthed speaker of nonsense. He becomes a wicked man who is contemptable to those he holds in contempt. By the time he wakes up to his own ignorance, nobody will have anything to do with him. There are people whose attitude and actions as well as their words, indicate they are holding back from honest open dialogue. Caution is needed when in conversation with that person. “He’s too deep for me to trust,” is very different from open frank conversation with a person of wisdom who is
“deep” in content and wisdom. What he says will give refreshment to others and be a help to them. He has no hidden agenda that hinders trust in a relationship.
Favoritism was condemned in the law, because it is a perversion of justice, and keeps it from being carried out and leads to bribery, lies and unfair decisions from judges. There is a sense in which it is very hard to be impartial with family and friends, but when it comes to moral sin, there is no way partiality can be considered, because partiality would actually be sin. People who pick fights will certainly get them and in their mouthy boasting and accusations, they will find they will get a lot more than they bargained for. A foolish loser never seems to know when to keep his mouth shut. What he says will bring no good to the corrupt fool, and will make him a marked man. When he opens his mouth, what he says will be what traps him. His own words will condemn him.
Gossip has a terrible appeal to most people. It starts out about something that seems like it should be heard, but when listened to right from the beginning, it is hard to resist getting all the scandal. Once gossip is paid attention to, it sticks in the mind, and seldom is ever let go. There is no way suspicion ever completely leaves even when truth is brought out and an apology is made. There is always a measure of damage to gossip. When it comes to you, right at the beginning, call for an impartial person to come and bear witness to what is said. Usually that is the way it is stopped before it really gets started.
Those who don’t want to work much or very hard, are prone to talk a lot. The one who goes about to destroy things, and the lazy person have a lot in common. They don’t want others to have what they don’t have, or they want to get what others have without earning it. So, the lazy person leaves the work to be done by others, and the one who destroys things, both want to ruin what others have or do. When difficulties threaten those who live for God, when they are the object of gossip and slander, the Lord Himself is the One to go to. We can call on Him, lay the burden on Him, and trust Him for our security and safety.
It is not uncommon for wealthy people to think their money will keep them safe and secure in life. Money can buy a lot of things, but it also can be lost quickly and unexpectedly. It can never buy the protection trusted people in a trusted relationship share. It can’t pay for our sins nor can it save our soul. Money can’t keep a person out of hell. “They that are down need fear no fall, they that are low no pride. They that are humble shall ever have, God to be their guide.” The conceited haughty person will be brought down to where his pride will be taken away. The humble person of integrity and faith will ultimately be honored by God and man.
A wise person will listen to both sides of a matter before passing judgment. That is normal common sense, because there are two sides in every disputed matter. Get the facts. Listen to what both sides say and watch to see what they don’t say. Hear both sides of an issues with impartiality. Come to a decision without prejudice and partiality. Then you won’t be making a foolish mistake and be embarrassed later, when the truth is made plain. When the inward spirit of a person is strong in spite of pain, trials, losses and serious hardship, our trust in the Lord can sustain our spirit. If a person’s spirit is broken, that kind of emotional hurt, can make a person physically sick or even lead to death. One thing about a wise person: he knows that there is a lot he doesn’t know. And what he knows, he knows there is a lot more to know about what he knows than he knows. So, what he knows and knows he doesn’t know, he will knowingly seek for, knowing that then he will know what he doesn’t know now about the things he knows and doesn’t know.
People in business and government, often bribe their way to see a great person, or attend a great event by putting money into someone’s hands to open the way for them. That is common practice now as it was when the proverbs were written. Most people have a preference in one way or another. It may be because there is prejudice because of culture, nationality, social status, or gender. Both sides of every story need to be heard and considered before passing a judgment. Parents need to do this, and leaders in any place where people are inclined to take sides. This verse is a warning to judges to hear both sides: the prosecutors and the defenders, and make a decision based on the facts and the actual truth. Throwing dice or some other means of casting lots is impartial, but is not a fair way of coming to a decision. “Flipping a coin” is a popular way of settling a matter when it is insignificant. But grace and love go further in that it brings people together instead of keeping them apart by settling a matter by chance.
Family strife, whether in our natural family or God’s family, is hard to deal with. When an offensive action is not right nor fair, and is not expected, reconciliation is very hard to bring about. If the matter is not settled, each becomes hard as the stone walls surrounding a castle or iron gates creating barriers into a city or home. What a person says he has to live with. Words can be helpful and satisfying or hurtful. In every conversation it is a wise person who deliberately speaks words that will build up and encourage others.
It is good to be married. That was God’s intention although there are exceptions clearly taught in the scriptures. The relationship of a marriage enables two people to be fulfilled in body, soul and spirit by the joining of minds and hearts. What one knows may help the other to be a more effective person in their calling in life. The Lord can blend personalities who are linked by the common bond of faith, to be more effective in service for Him than would be possible for the two as separate individuals. To insult others, especially the poor, is wrong. When a poor person asks for help in a courteous way and his need is legitimate, he has a right to be heard. To speak to him in an arrogant demeaning way by someone who trusts in their riches, indicates the rich man has been corrupted by his own riches rather than humbled by God’s grace. Avoid companionship with those whose character and way of life is questionable. Instead, be friend to others and you will find people who will want to be your friend. Our Lord Jesus Christ is truly the Friend who sticks closer than a brother.
Proverbs 18:13, 15, 17. “He that answereth a matter before he heareth it, it is folly and a shame unto him…The heart of the prudent getteth knowledge; and the ear of the wise seeketh knowledge…He that is first in his own cause seemeth just; but his neighbor cometh and searcheth him.” DECISION MAKING. There seems to be more here than meets the eye This is a time to listen rather than ask them why – Perhaps there are facts that now are unexpressed To give an answer quick may make a greater mess – No, give me some time to think, I need to pray about it And my God who knows all the facts can give an answer fit To keep me from some quick response that is extreme For often much said is different than the facts have been.
Time spent gathering facts is not really wasted Though others may pressure you to be hasty Because the truth of a matter can be evasive And new ideas may for the answer be inclusive Into the big picture so the final decision will be found And the knowledge you have gained will be sound. The discerning person must take time to seek the truth And his solution will be without some prejudice.
Questions are usually appropriate to ask – Have an answer ready when you are taken to task By a neighbor or someone with a different view And they have a side far different than the one told you. Generally, there are two sides to each and every story And the one telling you will express his side only – So, get both sides clearly set in your mind And by God’s guidance a solution you will surely find.
In God’s Word principles and practices are told That have been tried and proven in the New Testament and Old By the divine inspiration of the Holy Spirit – Teaching is there for our learning if we seek and find it. It is never wise to act with undue haste Until through prayer and God’s Word we trace The line of teaching to its biblical end - Then any answer or decision will be a “God-send.”
“O God, I know I must learn to not act in haste when it comes to decision making. It is hard at times to wait on real clear guidance from Thee when a need seems at the moment to be urgent. I am asking for a more thoughtful approach to the things that arise in our work and family life so that I don’t have to go back over a matter and deal with it all over again. In the name of the Lord Jesus Christ, Amen.”