Proverbs 17 AVAILABILITY Every day we meet people of different personalities, from different walks in life and in different ways we interact with them as we share this journey of life. The way we choose to communicate with others reveals a lot about ourselves and what we think is important in them. Relationships are a two-way street that can be a blessing to both and can bring a benefit to many. Our Lord Jesus Christ when He was here was able to establish significant relationships with people quickly and effectively. It mainly depended on the first words He spoke. Sometimes it was a question. Other times it was an observation or a statement of fact. Many times, it was a short story, a parable, that caught the interest of people. We too need to consider how we can initiate meaningful relationships with people.
Meal times are a particularly good time to strengthen relationships, establish trust and enjoy fellowship in a family. It isn’t the food that makes it so good. It is the people and the kind of conversations we have. A congenial conversation with simple food is better than a feast with arguing. Parents have the responsibility to guide and guard table conversations. A servant may be considered of less importance than family members, but if that servant is a person of good character, good morals, good manners, good speech with integrity and respect, he will have a greater responsibility given to him then to an out-of-control son. He may even be brought into the inheritance by his master. When a servant was adopted as a son in those ancient days, a public statement was made by the master: “Thou art my son. This day have I begotten thee,” and he became a son legally.
The heat of trials proves what is genuine and will expose dross in the character of a man or woman. The dross will come to the top when gold or silver is heated. The heat of opposition, disaster, sickness and tough times in general are allowed by our Lord to refine us and remove anything that are negative traits, and expose anything that will hinder our growth in the Lord. It is His purpose that a child of God reflects the Person of our Lord Jesus. “The trial of your faith is more precious than gold that perishes.” Strangely some people seem to feed on scandal, lies, innuendo and unfounded accusations, more than on the truth. Those people reveal more of who they are then the false report gives of the person they accuse. Wicked people feed on wickedness. Making fun of people because of their poverty or other misfortunes will lead to punishment for the mocker. God takes special interest in the poor, lowly and oppressed. To go up against them is to go up against God. Those who do, will lose. The attitude that makes people mock others is, “You should be like me. I’m better than you.” What is needed by those who are down is compassion and assistance.
Young children often turn to fathers and grandfathers for help, guidance, comfort and even stories of the old days. Grandfathers love to have honorable grandchildren around them. It is one of the ways that makes living worthwhile to old people. When a child wants to be like his or her father, that is an honor to both of them. The expectations we have of friends or people of different positions in life are different in each case. If a foolish person starts talking like a high society person, or “taking off” on a preacher, we know it is mockery. If a leader of people lies, we know that is not right for one who is responsible to guide others in an honest way. Bribes are valuable, but to use them to manipulate people to get what you want, may work, but it is still wrong. The foundation of good relationships is not based on bribes, but on honesty and integrity.
Good lasting relationships will depend on a willingness to forgive when necessary. That doesn’t mean covering up sin, but rather when not to expose something in another person that is unnecessary. There is a time to keep silent and not bring up past failures in another person. Forgiveness is a characteristic of God and it should be of His children. How a person takes correction and rebuke is a reflection on who he is and of his character. A wise person will accept and appreciate rebuke when it is necessary and will learn from it if there is benefit in it. If it is a spiteful rebuke, he will listen and keep silent. Relationships depend on how we react to difficulties as well as good things. To accept correction gracefully, is a way to benefit both the giver and receiver of the rebuke. A fool is hopeless when it comes to correction. He is going to keep on doing what he wants to.
Evil men are against everything that is right and pleasing to God because it interferes with, and condemns, their way of life. Rebellion is the set of a wicked person’s mind against God’s will, and challenging it with his own willful ways. There are consequences to be faced either by a hard and perhaps cruel messenger from the king, or from the last enemy – the angel of death. A bear robbed of cubs will attack and tear into a person with sharp claws and extreme rage. An out-of-control fool will say things, do things - even throw things to vent his rage. Some even in their anger and haste kill someone they think has belittled them or refused to do what the fool wanted. Such rage kills relationships permanently.
Strangely, some people will ruin a relationship by rejecting something done for them in good faith and caring friendship. An ungrateful person will not recover from the effects of his or her lack of appreciation, and the actions connected with that. The one rejected will from then on and find it hard to trust your intentions, and will likely think the relationship is not one they want to continue. Once contention gets started, it is hard to stop until it has run its course. Pride is the source of strife and it is evidence of the fleshly nature of an unsaved person. Unfortunately, it can surface even in Christian relationships, and so must be avoided. When contention comes close, turn and walk away.
Bribes, relationships and pressure have all been used to let guilty people go free and innocent people be condemned. This practice is totally wrong and detested by God because He is just, righteous and holy. Such ungodly practices are completely contrary to the character of our Lord, which is also expected in those who belong to Him. Some people send their children to private schools and pay a lot of money for them to go to a college or university even when they don’t want to go. If the child doesn’t want to apply himself to their studies, don’t waste your money. A fool will not be wiser about anything if they don’t want to.
There is a big difference between a true friend and an acquaintance. A true friend is loyal at all times, whether you are popular or shunned; sick or well; in trouble or successful. Even though they may not be getting a lot out of me at the times, they will come alongside to encourage and help. A brother is obligated by birth to help his siblings. A true friend chooses to be there. Friendship can be abused when one wants the other to guarantee a loan for something that is not a good investment or is questionable as to being completely legal. Financial assistance even to a friend, has to be looked at carefully from one’s own perspective. Don’t go out on a limb just because a friend wants you to. A person with a hot temper will find strife right there and sin takes over. If a person loves to fight, he will also love to sin. When a person brags about himself, he is going to have to make a bigger door to get his ego and exalted opinion of himself through to where he can get in your face. Smugness and pride go together.
By nature, the human heart is morally depraved and deceit is in it. A deceitful tongue will create problems for a proud person who is willing to deceive or demean others. It will ultimately be his own downfall after it ruins the relationship, he has had with those he used under the guise of friendship. What a grief it is to a father whose son mocks his guidance and words of wisdom and goes out and makes a fool of himself. Fathers sometimes ask themselves, “What did I do wrong? What did we not do that we should have done?” The disappointment and sorrow of a father in a foolish child is bad enough while they are alive. When they die in their sins and go into everlasting night is the full epitome of sorrow. A happy person with a cheerful disposition and optimistic outlook of life, is as good as taking a medicine when they come alongside of you. When a cheerful person sees others and gives a word of encouragement, a touch of compassion and a sincere smile of gladness, it has a good effect on others as well as on himself. By contrast, one who is depressed and unhappy, feels bad themselves and makes others feel bad.
Doing things under cover in order to get away with sin, “perverts the course (way) of justice.” Bribes, secret promises are techniques wicked people use to get away with sin, and avoid punishment for sin. The wise person is realistic and has learned his limitations and how far he is able to go ahead and/or if he should. The fool has convinced himself or been convinced by other silly people that he can overcome all obstacles and get whatever he wants – except wisdom! It grieves a father who loves his foolish son, to watch him make a mess of his life. Attitudes change in the teen years, but patient parenting doesn’t give up, and may eventually help the son get through if he will pay attention. When they fall for the fads that come and go, or the foolish fashions that are immodest, or the sullen short words and tone of voice that indicates, “Get out of my life. I am my own person, and I will get in touch with you when I want to,” then the father and mother can only console each other and pray together in their grief with broken hearts.
To punish innocent people like Pilate did to Jesus, is completely and totally wrong, especially when an innocent leader (Prince of peace, King of kings) is actually physically beaten. To raise a hand against a fair leader is absolutely unjust. Some people are fined when they shouldn’t be. Others are publicly condemned unfairly. The upright person seems to raise the “hackles” of unjust prosecutors and judges. When our Lord “was reviled, He reviled not again. When He suffered, He threatened not.”
A wise person takes the time to think about what he is going to say if and when he speaks. His response to accusations or information will be controlled, calm and careful. If he has nothing worthwhile to say, he won’t speak. He waits until he has opportunity to think about what he has heard before he replies. He considers what the results will be when he speaks before he opens his mouth. “It is better to close your mouth and be thought a fool, than to open your mouth and remove all doubt.” No one knows you are a fool if you don’t say anything. In fact, some people might think you are wise and understanding about a matter of which you don’t have a clue. To be quiet and let others do the talking is a safe way to keep yourself from being considered a fool.